I like to sit in a dark room and listen after my meditation hour. I don't always like what I hear, but the dark seems to call to me. I often hear things that I normally don't hear, or just don't pay attention to. For instance, I can hear the electricity flowing though the light bulbs from other rooms, the very silent crunches the carpet makes every time someone takes a step, I even hear the water drain through the pipes as if the pipes were right next to my ears, and sometimes I can even hear the heart beats of my children in the next room away. It's amazing the things we notice when we shut up a just listen.
Most of the time even when I am done meditating, I still sit in silence for as long as I can, to listen to what ever calls out to me. Often it is just the outside calls of nature and life communicating with each other that makes me jump. Silly, I know. For some reason the silence in my head amplifys their high pitched chirps, voices and squeaks. But sometimes the howls of the dark grab me and paralyzes me with fear. Now, I say "the dark" simply because I do not know what else to call it sometimes.
Tonight Something far away yet close enough to me that it's cries ring in my ears, calls out as if in pain. Not a cry as in a woman, man, child, or even a animal cry; A pleading echoing cry that I have never heard and could also be mistaken as a really high pitched out of tune singing. The calls don't end in just a loud noise though, there was defiantly someone or something speaking, I just wasn't able to make out what is being said, to be honest I don't think it was English. Three times, I thought I heard it speak my name and for that reason alone is why I believe it was a call for me and only me. "Elara". No one uses that name but my husband. After the first two times the voiced echoed from nowhere, I thought it was just me going crazy in the dark. It was the third call that almost made me a coward and run. The depth within this things tone as it said my name very slowly, sent chills throughout my body and pain in my chest. But terrified and sweating, I intensely waited for my message. All went silent. No sound at all for a minute, nothing. I thought that is the moment I would be permanently def, over taken by the unseen, or death himself would jump from out of the dark. It took everything in me to stay seated and wait. I knew if I ran from anything my kids would become the target. Deep down I knew what I was facing. So, with my hands shaking and heart racing. I grip my stones and make the call. A call I've only needed to call out twice in the past. I can't share it, but it is a call no gifted should call unless they are faced with only the darkest of energies. After a few moments of silence after my call, the room gets cold. Walls are hit "im here" and I jump to my feet and lock the door and seal it in the room with me with words of light. I scream for my girls to leave and call my husband at work. But they can't open the door to outside and all phone batteries dead. I chant my prayer many times keeping this thing as close to me as possible. I couldnt weaken and allow it into the other room where my kids were. I yell my chant until heat drops me to my knees and silences me. There's no pain just heat. Like the sun fills only the spot that holds me. But still holding on to it, even though I could no longer speak. "Let go! " the voice deep, manly, yet soft. To my suprise a split second later the only thing I hear are my girls chanting the banishing prayer. I hear them just outside the bathroom door laying my crystals near the bathroom I'd lock myself and IT in. Once I felt the last cystal in lune with the others my vioce is released. Tears rundown my cheeks and I felt as if I burned everywhere, but I held IT right against my chest with every breath and every bit of strength I had. If I was brave enough to open my eyes, I may have looked right into its eyes. But I didn't want my fear to weaken me. It all happened so fast. The next thing I know I'm on my feet unable to move. My fear gone. Anger fills me as it touches my face. I swore my death would be tonight. "Let me have you. Or I will take them". IT tells me. "Not while I still breathe. " whisper. I squeeze my eyes closed tighter and chant louder. In turn so did my girls. Honestly, I never thought that my kids would ever have to do this, nor did I think they would do it so fearlessly and quickly act. I thought they really never paid attention to their lessons. Soon, I again can no longer chant. No voice. My baby screams and I can't move to see what happened or call to her. The bathroom door unlocks and I fall. I jump up and I push open the door in a hurry. My heart skips a few beats and I drop to my knees. The girls are fine. It seems she broke its connection that held me with her scream. Moments later, neighbors are beating on the door. The manager said she tried to use the key to get in but it didn't work. They say it sounded as if we were breaking though walls. So, I let them come in to see that nothing was destroyed. When they asked what the noise was. I told them I didn't know. She asked "why didn't you open the door when we knocked." My 13 year old looks at her and says " you couldn't get in with the key and we couldn't get out. Its not safe in here so you need to leave this room". I've never seen her so serious and grown up. The lady looks at me and whispers "is there someone trying to hurt you in that closet? " I shake my head and open the closet door. The nieghbors leave and the manager again looks at my girls. She locks eyes with my 11year old who is still shaken up and crying. My baby wipes her face and says "your place is haunted. " they lady's eyes grew wide and she slowly walks out the door. That broke my heart.
The entity hasn't returned, it cant. But it is constantly weighing heavy on my mind. As a gifted I have delt with situations similar to this my entire life. Back when I was younger I didn't understand what was happening and I lived just to stay alive. When I had kids, I lived to protect them. And learned all I could. Always fighting to keep things away from them. I was not ready for the day they protected me.
As my girls sleep right now I find myself beating myself up. How could I let something get that close to them? Have I been so stressed out that my recent barriers have been weak?
Alone I will get rid of that thing. The next time I am alone I will have the battle of my life with Mr. Darkness and this time I will be ready.
So why post this. I bet your thinking "this bitch is crazy" Lol. You wouldn't be wrong. I'm posting because when I write I get peace. When others read my writing it makes me feel Like I'm not Alone in my head. It gives me strength. Each person that feels anything from this post will give me strength. With what I plan to take on in the next few days I need all the strength I can get.
I never expect people to believe things I say, nor feel for me. Tonight is no different. Everyday I mentally battle to keep the strength to keep my family safe from things most don't believe in. And more often than I like, I battle to keep them alive. Your reading and feelings, no matter what they are will help me. I don't need you to believe me I just need you to read.